God and Father
I have mentioned a couple of times, how me and my brother were brought up in a very religious home right? If not, then that’s how it was. 😀 Every two three weeks, we would go to famous temples in other states in India. At 05 am in the morning, our father would wake us up. We had to get ready in 30 minutes. After that, we would drive for hours to get well wishes from god, in famous temples around south India. My brother would joke, ‘oh No! another temple tour :D’’
I dont know to this day why my father and mother got so religious to be honest. My grandparents didn’t seem to be this dedicated like my parents. Of course my grandparents were normal god fearing people. But my parents took it to another level.
If tours to temples were not enough. We had other attractions as well..
Every couple of months we would have rituals in our home. These rituals which were called Homa, are an essential part of Hinduism. They have Homa’s in temples all the time around India. People would pay the temple for conducting Homa’s for their new born child, for the well being of their children, basically for anything positive that they want out of their lives.
My father would organise these kind of Homa’s privately in our home too. We even had a family priest who was invited for all kind of such rituals in our home. The whole process would take around 2-3 hours. Sometimes close members of the family, and neighbours would join us.
Mind You this is not Shamanism. We are not invoking the devil or anything. This is a strict religious practice.
What does the priest do? Chanting mantras(Vedic texts) and using that to bring positive energy to the house. Homa’s can be used for whatever You want. In our house, we did it for removing obstacles from our life’s paths, and so that the whole house will be surrounded by positive energy. So its just a strict religious pratice. No demons, or bad energy involved. In fact its the opposite. We strive to remove the bad energy from our home. You can kind of call it the ”Fengshui of Hinduism”.
So this kind of Homa’s would go on in our home, almost twice a month for years. It started from when i was 7-8 years old, and went on till I was 16. Why I am telling You this?
I have always feared that god will punish me. Its kind of naive for someone like me living in Poland for 10 years to say. I know that. Its the 21st century. But honestly the Homa’s and the temple visits have really shaped my character and my personal beliefs about life. I honestly believe that there is some one looking at me from up above. You can call it Krishna, or Shiva or whoever You want.
When i want to take a decision in life, I always double check. When i want to do something for me, i imagine the person from skies looking at me and saying’ excuse me? So You want to do something for Yourself?’’ It mocks me, criticises me. It points my mistakes out.(It also helps me some time. I will come back on that later in another post)
So I am always double, triple, quadruple checking everything that comes to my mind. Until i can get 100 percent clarification, that what i do is totally ok, and in line with my consciousness, I can go forward and do it. Otherwise it is just a fight between me and God.
When it comes to parents, they are also very close to the god who i have high up above in the sky. I remember when i had to have the conversation about Finances in my life with my parents, I had to first have a sincere chat with myself before I could say, “hey look, I am going to be 100 percent responsible for my finances from now on’. Before that moment, having such a conversation for years, was like insulting my parents(at least in my mind).
So what do I plan to do with the voice that is mocking me from above? I recognise the presence of this voice and the impact that it has in my life. It wont go away in one year. I know that it will take more time. But I am definitely working on that voice. Whatever the time it takes, my goal is to be proud of the decisions that i make in life, and to not be afraid of failure.