My two cents on the topic of Love
I dont know if this post is true in the case of most Indians. I might not be able to carry the voice of 1.324 billion Indians. Maybe all Indians don’t look at the topic of love like i do. So just a little heads up. Anyway i hope to convey something interesting through this post.
My feeling of love was always associated with fear. My mother loved me, but itt was not the ideal love between a mother and her son. She didn’t know how to show love. My mother’s idea of love was about over protecting, and about controlling the other person(but i still love my mother)
I remember once telling my teachers at school that i was injured. The day before i was playing outside in the steets and i was feeling a little bit ill. Actually i wasn’t that much injured. I had to fake some injury in order to get some attention home. That was the only way to get noticed by my mother. So my mom took day off from the university. When i came back home, she was standing at the entrance crying and creating a huge scene, as if i met with some deadly accident or something. Holy shit, is this what love is? I felt this horrendous feeling of guilt from faking an injury. I also felt guilty because my mom was crying. Do You cry when You love some one? O my god, I want out! No love for me. Thank You!
Strangling one to death, and over powering them emotionally. That is what love is for me. So i dont have anything ideal to tell You about love.
Then there was love at school. I dont know if You can call it love. It was more like fascination. We boys and girls were divided into two groups at school. I told this a couple of times right? So we boys would say to eachother, ‘ See that girl over there. See her? I love her’’. One of the boys would convey this the girl concerned . She doesnt have to reciprocate Your feeling back. You just say it, so as to feel cool between Your friends. ‘I am in love with a girl, and Iam the real deal!. Yeah!
There were situations, where the boy who would say he likes a girl, and the girl would reciprocate his feelings. Now they were officially a pair at school. This could go on till the end of high school. They would meet during lunch breaks and talk. A couple of boys and girls would stand outside the class in order to see whether the school director, or some teachers are coming by our class. if they would know what is going on, it would be detention for sure for all of us.
In university the situation was similar. I was super shy. So that didn’t help matters much with the opposite sex. I didn’t know how to even talk to the girls. Most of the time my jokes were so bad, that girls didn’t know what to say back. I had one or two friends who were girls though. They would mingle with most of us boys. So with me, they didn’t do any exceptions.
Then i came to Poland, and i still don’t know how this dating thing works. I just thought when You like someone, You just say ‘hey i love You’. So after meeting a girl for one or two dates, I would say 'hey I love You’. Most often the girls wont write back to my sms. Wow, that was embarassing.
OK next one!
For many years i had no clue what i was doing. The idea of being close to some one seemed horrible. I dont know what is love. So how can i say that i found love, when i dont know how it feels like?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right?
It was then that i decided to ask an expert. She told me about how the actual ‘love’ thing works.
She told me that in Europe and generally in the west, people meet each other. In the beginning there are hormones. We are both fully praising each other. “Love, hun, booboo, caterpillar, butterfly’. The list goes on. In the beginning, there is a lot of physical attraction towards each other. You just think that the other person is the most perfect person in the world. Our hormones are at work here. This hormonal face goes on for two to 6 months. Depends upon the person. After that, reality kicks in.
Once the hormonal phase passes, we focus on the person. What are her’s or his faults. What are their positive sides? Am i ready to accept the faults? Does the positives outweigh the faults? This is where we build an emotional connection. Physical attraction fades away, and emotional attraction sets in. Mhmm, interesting.
Now mind You, I got interested in the topic of love because it really fascinates me. Its not like i am looking for love because Justin Bieber sang about love in one of his songs, and i want to experience crazy, passionate love. It’s not that i am looking for love just because I am lonely(ok, maybe a little). I am seriously curious about how it looks like. For most of my life i completely avoided any emotional connection with the opposite sex. I didnt want to be emotionally strangled again(You know just like how i experienced love at home).
I decided to try the concept of love proposed by my expert friend. There was the normal phase, followed by the phase of trust and love. Each time i met some girl and i had to say that she is my girl friend, it felt weird. In India if You are with some one, most probably it will end up in marriage. So Love = marriage. I dont want to get married!
My love expert told me that it doesn’t work like that in Poland. 'Calm down man’ Uff! Thats good news.
One relationship lasted for 6 months, while the other 3 months. Thank god, at least I am normal. I formed a meaningful relationship with a real person! Was it a nice expirence? Yes! If it wasn’t for my expert friend, i wouldn’t have even tried to form a relationship with someone. It was a learning experience. Being in love doesn’t mean, You have to marry that person. hehe 🙂
But seriously, to this day this love business sounds like rocket science to me. I can go to a shop and buy groceries, I can go buy a train ticket, but if You ask me about love? I am still a baby in this department.